I just want some kind of sign to know if this is meant to work out eventually or if something different is meant for me.
As the pitter-patter of rain is lulling me to sleep,
I dream of being nestled in your arms, my face buried in your chest.
If only my dream was my reality,
But in the morning I’ll have to awake longing the warmth of your skin on mine.
-E.P.
But you know how people always want to date someone that likes the same kind of music or has similar interests or whatever? Well I want the opposite. I’m so much more intrigued by someone who is pretty different than I am. Not like polar opposites, but enough to where we can teach each other new things and introduce each other to new things. In the end, we’ll just kind of mesh everything together and it’ll be perfect.
I really don’t understand why anything negative that happens in this household is made into a big deal yet anything positive I do is just brushed off. For instance:
- Got a ticket for “disregarding” a stop sign (which was bullshit) and my parents are like you’re going to have to pay for your own insurance blah, blah, blah even though they made a deal with me that so long as I was in college they would take care of my phone and insurance
- My friend needed my help studying so I let her come over so I could help her, but they’re all pissed that I let someone in the house because it’s a mess. Sorry motherfuckers, but I’m not busting my ass more than I already do to keep the house in perfect condition when no one does anything to clean up either.
- My grades are so good this semester it’s unreal, yet that just goes unnoticed.
- I was offered a position tutoring for math because I’m doing so well, again not really that big of a deal.
- I got a perfect on my English paper, oh whatever that doesn’t matter.
- Not only do I go to school and keep my grades up, but I have a job.
Like what the fuck?! How is that even fair. Holy shit I got a motherfucking ticket it’s not the end of the fucking world! Who knows I might even be able to get out of it. Excuse the fact that I work my ass off in school so I can graduate and have a good fucking career. Sorry I can’t be perfect. We all make mistakes.
But I just want to get out some of my thoughts and feelings, so here it goes.
I know I may not be a “10”. I’m not perfect in any way and I may not be super pretty and have a ton of guys on my dick, but I have a big heart. And I mean this in multiple ways; if I care about you then I’m willing to do anything that I can for you, but right now I’m kind of focusing on a boyfriend perspective. What I’m trying to get at I guess is that I’m aware that I’m not smoking hot or the most gorgeous girl you’ve ever laid your eyes on, but I am super loyal and caring. I care too much it seems actually, and I like to make others happy. I’m a goof ball and I like to try new things and have fun. I’m a great listener and I love hearing about your day and things that you like and all that jazz. So, I feel like that just kind of goes unnoticed a majority of the time, and I wish that sometimes people could truly realize what’s in front of them instead of hurriedly dismissing others.
You know something that I really love to see? People that have found happiness after losing what used to bring them happiness. That’s just so awesome.
Thinking I want better than this. I am going to have better than this. I refuse to allow my future to be a repeat of what I live in and if I ever have kids I will not allow them to have to deal with and see the things that I have in my lifetime. So every time I don’t want to do an assignment or sit through a class I just tell myself, “When this is all over, you’ll thank yourself for pushing through it and you will have provided for yourself a better way of living than this.” This too shall pass.
