You know what I don’t believe in? Keeping your feelings to yourself for fear of seeming clingy or too into someone. If someone has strong feelings or thoughts that are loving, and meaningful, and sweet, I want to hear them. Those things can make my day 1000000x better. The days are too short to worry whether you’re coming off too strongly and not say what you really mean. I know that’s how I feel, so even if I feel like an idiot I’ll tell you I miss you or I wish you were here or whatever, because hopefully that will brighten your day as much as it would mine.
Sometimes, I think we all just need to live and focus on the present a little more. My thoughts are always geared toward the future that sometimes I think I miss out on enjoying what is happening this very moment. Not everything is permanent and I want to cherish the things and moments I have now instead of worrying about not having them later.
Having people in your life that make you happy is an awesome, terrifying thing. I say awesome, because what’s better than being happy all the time and constantly feeling good? But what’s terrifying is that it almost becomes an addiction in a way. Happiness and love are the most powerful “drugs” in my opinion. Maybe it’s just me, but when I’m not around people that make me happiest or if we haven’t communicated at all in a day, I get irritable and sad and I never realized why until now. It’s because we feed off of each other. I see it everyday, and it’s scary. Don’t get me wrong, having great friends or a significant other you’re really fond of is absolutely wonderful, but once they leave or you don’t talk to them for a while, it’s like all the happiness you had is slowly drained out of you and sometimes your mood doesn’t improve until you get your next fix which is seeing them again.
I think about the future a lot, and I’ve decided if I ever get married and have kids, my husband and I need to be openly loving in front of them. I want them to be able to see what love is and know that it exists, and once they’re old enough, understand that the person they love should be respectful and supportive of them at all times. I never really had an example of that when I was growing up, and I don’t think a lot of people do, sadly. So, if I ever get that opportunity, that is an absolute must.
It amazes me how I can give and give
And the satisfaction I get in that moment,
Seeing another person's face light up.
Unfortunately, the smile fades and everything is commonplace,
And instead of feeling happy and satisfied, I feel empty.
I never knew you could give so much of
Yourself to everyone around you
Until you feel like you have nothing left.
I’m going to give you Liz’s words of wisdom for the day, and I will admit that it’s taken me a long time to realize this, but here it goes.
Being a single 20 year old has made me think a lot. I’ve been single for two years now and that’s caused me to wonder why this is and in turn, has made me think less of myself in the past. Always, the only things I could ever come up with are, “I’m not attractive enough or thin enough or good enough etc.” Thankfully, I don’t think that anymore. Sure, we all have our bad days where we don’t feel as good about ourselves as we did the day before, but you have to realize that that day will pass and you’ll most likely feel better about yourself tomorrow. If not tomorrow, then the next day, or the next day. The point is you have to realize that you have strengths and weaknesses that make you unique. Call me cliché, but it’s true. You enjoy the company of other people because they ARE different from you. Everyone has their own preference of characteristics they like in other people, and guess what? You, yourself, may have some of those. If you realize these things, maybe you won’t waste your time trying to be something your not to impress that guy or that girl that you’re interested in. Relationships aren’t meant to be forced or to make you behave in ways you normally wouldn’t, so embrace your strengths and your weaknesses. You never know, someone might just find them alluring. You really just have to let everything play out and not try to tamper with it, because what happens naturally will work out the best.
Do you ever become so infatuated with an idea of something that it’s constantly plaguing your mind? You’ll be thinking of one thing then it just switches to this idea or scenario that you create over and over, maybe with different events taking place but similar outcomes. It’s almost strange how if you think about something long enough you almost feel emotionally attached to it, as if it was truly your memory in the first place.
I swear guys have this radar that they know you’re done with them. Like you can decide “I’m tired of playing games, him not being serious about a relationship, etc.” and they fucking know that shit. You don’t even have to specifically say “I don’t want to talk to you anymore” but they’ll start being nice or if you haven’t talked in a while they’ll start talking to you more frequently or liking your pictures or giving you compliments. every. single. fucking. time. what the actual fuck. Can you just let a girl move on? Or at least not keep up this act like you’re actually going to get serious about pursuing a relationship. Lorddddd
My window is open and I can smell the rain.
Maybe it’s a sign that I’ve washed you away.
You’re not on my mind or clouding my heart.
I believe now’s the time for a fresh start.